Marie from Sunny Italy
[1st VERSE:]
Oh, Marie, 'neath the window I'm waiting
Oh, Marie, please don't be so aggravating
Can't you see my heart just yearns for you, dear
With fond affection
And love that's true, dear
Meet me while the Summer moon is beaming
For you and me, the little stars are beaming
Please come out tonight, my queen
Can't you hear my mandolin?
[REFRAIN:]
My sweet Marie from sunny Italy
Oh how I do love you
Say that you'll love me, love me, too
Forever more I will be true
Just say the word and I will marry you
And then you'll surely be
My sweet Marie from sunny Italy
[2nd VERSE:]
Oh, Marie, I've been waiting so patiently
Oh, Marie, please come out and I shall happy be
Raise your window, love, and say you're coming
The little birds, dear
Are sweetly humming
Don't say, "No," my sweet Italian Beauty
There's not another maiden e'er could suit me
Come out, love, don't be afraid
Listen to my serenade
1908
Queenie
[1st VERSE:]
The moon above am shining, love, I'm out here waiting
Don't be so shy, I can't see why you're hesitating
Come out and meet me, lady
You are my dark-eyed baby
Come, love, don't be afraidy
My little honey, do
Here while the stars am peeping
And all the world am sleeping
My promise I'll be keeping, love, to you
[REFRAIN:]
Queenie, my own
I'll build a nice little home
Where we can live all alone
And from you I'll never roam
Say you'll be mine
Oh! honey, please don't decline
And all the stars will then shine for you and me
[2nd VERSE:]
Impatiently I wait for thee here in the moonlight
Don't be afraid, my dusky maid, this is a spoonlight
Now, don't be hesitating
The birds above are mating
My love, I'll be relating
To you my dusky queen
Think, dear, of what you're missing
Love and lots of kissing
Come out, my love, and listen to my plea
1909
Dorando
[1st VERSE:]
I feel-a much-a bad like anything
All the night I nunga canna sleep
It's a my pizon Pasquale
He say we take da car
And see Dorando race a-"Long-a-ship"
Just like the sport, I sell da barbershop
And make da bet Dorando he's a win
Then to Madees-a Square
Pasquale and me go there
And just-a like-a dat, da race begin
[REFRAIN:]
Dorando! Dorando!
He run-a, run-a, run-a, run like anything
One-a, two-a hundred times around da ring
I cry, "Please-a nunga stop!"
Just then, Dorando he's a drop!
Goodbye poor old barber shop
It's no fun to lose da mon
When de son-of-a-gun no run
Dorando
He's a good for not!
[2nd VERSE:]
Dorando, he's a come around next day
Say, "Gentlemen, I wanna tell-a you
It's a one-a bigga shame
I forgot da man's a-name
Who make me eat da Irish beef-a stew
I ask-a him to give me da spaghett
I know it make me run a-quick-a-quick
But I eat da beef-a stew
And now I tell-a you
Just like da pipps it make me very sick
I Didn't Go Home at All
[1st VERSE:]
Jack and May were newly-wed, a loving pair were they
Until the other day, when Jack said to his May:
"Tonight I have to talk some bus'ness with some bus'nessmen
But rest assured that I'll return at ten"
That night he left the flat, and simple wifey sat
Up with the cat for Jack who never came
The day was dawning when he rambled home again
And said: "My darling, please let me explain":
[REFRAIN:]
I heard the clock strike
One A.M.
One A.M.
One A.M.
It told me of my promise when I left you in the hall
Before I knew 'twas
Two A.M.
Three A.M.
Four A.M.
But you know I promised to be home at ten
So I didn't go home at all
[2nd VERSE:]
Jack remarked, "It's eas'ly seen that I'm not all to blame
My explanation's tame, it's true tho' just the same
Much rather than disturb you from your slumber so divine
I lingered just to pass away the time
And then again you see, I didn't take the key
Which proves that my intentions were the best
I even said a pray'r that you might not despair
Besides I knew how much you needed rest":
[3rd VERSE:]
Jack had been forgiven and the future seemed so bright
Until the other night, his May was not in sight
She went to see a sick friend but had promised to come back
At sixty minutes after nine, to Jack
At sixty minutes past next morn she came at last
Her op'ning speech was "I've been with my friend
Because they said she'd die, I wanted to be nigh
And so I waited for the coming end":
No One Could Do It Like My Father!
[1st VERSE:]
I hate to brag about my fam'ly but I must say that
My father is the greatest man who ever wore a hat
He always took things easy in an easy sort of way
And when it came to taking things, just kindly let me say
[1st REFRAIN:]
No one could do it like my father!
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father!
Other men might do the same
But when it came to make a name
No one could do it like my dad!
[2nd VERSE:]
At keeping servant girls, my father always was an ace!
He had a certain way to keep the ladies in their place
Their place was in the kitchen and his place to keep them there
I don't know how he did it but I really must declare
[2nd REFRAIN:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
Servants liked the cops, of course
So father joined the police force
No one could do it like my dad
[3rd VERSE:]
One night papa went in to see that great Salome dance
You talk about attention, say! he gave her ev'ry glance
He has my mother dancing now, her brain is in a whirl
And only here last week he came home with a string of pearls
[3rd REFRAIN:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
Now he always stays at home
Mama has learned that dance Salome
No one could do it like my dad
[4th VERSE:]
My mother weighs three hundred pounds but don't give it away
She bought a brand new sheath gown and she wore it yesterday
My father showed his dignity when mother showed her sock
Then just to make the two ends meet he used a big padlock
[4th REFRAIN:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
Neighbor Jones and his neighbor Lee
Are hunting for my father's key
And no one could do it like my dad
[5th VERSE:]
I haven't told you how my father and my mother wed
She was an old maid, he a burglar underneath her bed
She flashed a gun at father and said, "I must be your wife"
My father wears a medal now for saving someone's life
[5th REFRAIN:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
Mother thinks a lot of pa
But father drinks to think of ma
And no one could do it like my dad
[6th VERSE:]
The other night when pa came home, he found to his surprise
The iceman and my mother on the sofa making eyes
He did not get excited, no! not one word did he say
But when the iceman's bill came due, papa refused to pay
[6th REFRAIN:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
Father proved he was no slouch
He fooled them all when he sold the couch
And no one could do it like my dad
[7th VERSE:]
When father went to school they tell me he was very bad
They also say he had a purpose to make teacher mad
She'd make him stay in after school and pa would ne'er refuse
For when it came to helping teacher tie her dainty shoes:
[7th REFRAIN:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
Teacher knew a thing or two
She always wore a low cut shoe
No one could do it like my dad
[8th VERSE:]
We lived right by a railway station not so far from here
And father would make faces at the passing engineers
They'd all throw coal at father, yes they would upon my soul
And when the winter came around we never needed coal
[8th REFRAIN:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
First he got coal one by one
And now he sells it by the ton
And no one could do it like my dad
[9th VERSE:]
Around election time my father never knows his name
Sometimes it's Breen, or Smith, or Green, Gilhouley or McShane
Then other times it's Harrigan, O'Connor, or O'Dell
They ought to call him "Winchester" 'cause he repeats so well
[9th REFRAIN:]
No one could do it like my father
Ever clever, stunning, cunning father
When you see him change his coat
You know that means another vote
And no one could do it like my dad
Sadie Salome (Go Home)
[1st VERSE:]
Sadie Cohen left her happy home
To become an actress lady
On the stage she soon became the rage
As the only real Salomy baby
When she came to town, her sweetheart Mose
Brought for her around a pretty rose
But he got an awful fright
When his Sadie came to sight
He stood up and yelled with all his might:
[REFRAIN:]
Don't do that dance, I tell you Sadie
That's not a bus'ness for a lady!
'Most ev'rybody knows
That I'm your loving Mose
Oy, Oy, Oy, Oy
Where is your clothes?
You better go and get your dresses
Ev'ryone's got the op'ra glasses
Oy! such a sad disgrace
No one looks in your face
Sadie Salome, go home
[2nd VERSE:]
From the crowd Moses yelled out loud,
"Who put in your head such notions?
You look sweet but jiggle with your feet
Who put in your back such funny motions?
As a singer you was always fine!
Sing to me, 'Because the world is mine!'"
Then the crowd began to roar
Sadie did a new encore
Mose got mad and yelled at her once more:
My Wife's Gone to the Country (Hurrah! Hurrah!)
[1st VERSE:]
When Missus Brown told hubby, "I just can't stand the heat
Please send me to the country, dear, I know 'twould be a treat"
Next day his wife and fam'ly were seated on a train
And when the train had started, Brownie shouted this refrain:
[1st REFRAIN:]
My wife's gone to the country, hurrah, hurrah!
She thought it best, I need a rest, that's why she went away
She took the children with her, hurrah, hurrah!
I don't care what becomes of me, my wife's gone away
[2nd VERSE:]
He kept the 'phone a-going, told ev'ryone he knew
"It's Mister Brown, come on downtown, I have some news for you"
He told a friend reporter just why he felt so gay
Next day an advertisement in the papers read this way:
[2nd REFRAIN:]
My wife's gone to the country, hurrah, hurrah!
She thought it best, I need a rest, that's why she went away
She took the children with her, hurrah, hurrah!
I don't care what becomes of me, my wife's gone away
[3rd VERSE:]
He sang his joyful story into a phonograph
He made a dozen records and I say it was to laugh
For when his friends had vanished and Brown was all alone
His neighbors heard the same old tune on Brownie's graphophone
[3rd REFRAIN:]
My wife's gone to the country, hurrah, hurrah!
She thought it best, I need the rest, that's why she went away
She took the children with her, hurrah, hurrah!
Like Eva Tanguay, I don't care, my wife's gone away
[4th VERSE:]
He went into the parlor and tore down from the wall
A sign that read "God Bless Our Home" and threw it in the hall
Another sign he painted and hung it up instead
Next day the servant nearly fainted when these words she read:
[4th REFRAIN:]
My wife's gone to the country, hurrah, hurrah!
She thought it best, I need the rest, that's why she went away
She took the children with her, hurrah, hurrah!
Now I'm with you if you're with me, my wife's gone away
[5th VERSE:]
He called on pretty Molly, a girl he used to know
The servant said "She left the house about an hour ago
But if you leave your name, sir, or write a little note
I'll give it to her when she comes" and this is what he wrote:
[5th REFRAIN:]
My wife's gone to the country, hurrah, hurrah!
She thought it best, I need the rest, that's why she went away
She took the children with her, hurrah, hurrah!
I love my wife, but oh! you kid, my wife's gone away
[6th VERSE:]
He went and bought a parrot, a very clever bird
The kind that always would repeat most anything she heard
So when his voice grew husky and Brownie couldn't talk
While he'd be taking cough-drops, he would have the parrot squawk:
[6th REFRAIN:]
My wife's gone to the country, hurrah, hurrah!
She thought it best, I need the rest, that's why she went away
She took the children with her, hurrah, hurrah!
I knew my book, she left the cook, my wife's gone away
Do Your Duty Doctor! (Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Doctor)
[1st VERSE:]
Liza Green felt awf'ly sick
Sent out for the doctor quick
The doctor called around, these words to say
"You're suff'ring from a love attack
And if you want to bring health back
A loving man must love you every day"
Then he turned to say goodbye
Just to hear Eliza cry:
[REFRAIN:]
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Doctor (oh, doctor)
Won't you kindly hear my plea? (oh, doctor)
I know, you know, doctor (oh, doctor)
Exactly what is best for me (oh, doctor)
Hear me sigh, hear me cry
Surely you ain't gonna let me die
For if some love will make me gain
Do your duty doctor, cure my pain
[2nd VERSE:]
Doctor said, "I can't decline
Curing patients is my line"
Then started lovin' Liza good and strong
Soon she was feeling well once more
The doctor then looked t'ward the door
And said, "I guess I'd best be getting along"
But Eliza hollered quick
"Oh, I fear I'm getting sick"
Goodbye, Girlie, and Remember Me
[1st VERSE:]
So you're leaving me, sweet girlie
So it's true we have to part
Let me whisper something girlie
To my own sweetheart
It will worry me, sweet girlie
And I'll be so lonesome too
It will cheer me, dear, when you're not near me
Just to know your heart beats true
[REFRAIN:]
Goodbye, girlie, and remember me when you're far away
I'll be thinking of you dearie, more and more each day
Summer's coming, birds will soon be humming love's sweet melody
Good luck! Goodbye, girlie, and remember me
[2nd VERSE:]
I can see a scene, sweet girlie
As sweethearts can only do
Where we'll sit and dream sweet girlie
In a home for two
See just what it means, sweet girlie
What it means for you and I
So in Junetime, spoontime, honeymoon-time
We'll be happy, bye and bye
She Was a Dear Little Girl
[1st VERSE:]
Betsy Brown, a manicurist fair
Dropped in town, to get the city air
Met the son of some millionaire
Who had lots of time to spare
Same old case of, "I remember you"
Same old smile, and same old howdy-do
Same old look of innocence true
In her great big eyes so blue
[REFRAIN:]
She was a dear little girl
Dearest of dear little girls
Dear little eyes, dear little size
Dear little golden curls
She murmured, "Dear, never fear
I'll always hold you dear"
When she said so true
"I'm fond of wine," he knew
She was a dear, dear girl
[2nd VERSE:]
Soon he took Miss Betsy out to dine
And they had the dearest little time
For he bought the dearest of wine
Till the pair were feeling fine
Tho' it wasn't altogether right
To remark about her appetite
Seven waiters worked hard that night
Serving what she called a bite
[2nd REFRAIN:]
She was a dear little girl
Dearest of dear little girls
Dear little eyes, dear little size
Dear little golden curls
She murmured, "Dear, never fear
I'll always hold you dear"
To a check his pen
Was introduced, but then
She was a dear, dear girl
I Wish That You Was My Gal, Molly
[1st VERSE:]
I saw you, Molly, walking with your sweetheart
And I only looked and wished that I was he
You looked so swell, I couldn't help but wonder
If a gal like you would ever fall for me?
I know he thinks the world and all about you
Well I wish I had the chance to think so too
He wouldn't be the same old boy without you
Gee, it must feel great to have a gal like you
[REFRAIN:]
I wish that you was my gal, Molly
I only wish I was your beau
To feel that you was my pal, Molly
Would mean an awful lot I know
It isn't right I know to tell you
But what's a fellow goin' to do?
I wish that you was my gal, Molly
I only wish you loved me too
[2nd VERSE:]
Come, tell me why you started crying, Molly
Did I hurt your feelings? Tell me if I did
I didn't mean to knock your other sweetheart
On the level, I am awful sorry, kid
I told my mother just how much I love you
It was her that made me go to you and tell
So, let me be your pal, if not your sweetheart
When you marry, I'll be there to wish you well
If I Thought You Wouldn't Tell
[1st VERSE:]
A maiden pretty from Jersey City
Paid a visit to some cousins out of town
She answered, "Mercy" when cousin Percy
Said, "I'd dearly love to show you all around"
Like bees a-buzzin'
She and her cousin
Were together ev'ry minute of the day
One night he kissed her, she shouted, "Mister"
But he answered in a cute and cunning way
[REFRAIN:]
If I thought you wouldn't tell your mother
I would try and take one more
Promise not to tell your father or your brother
And I'll make it three or four
If I thought that you could keep a secret
I would keep you busy, Nell
I'd forget that I'm your cousin
And I'd take a half a dozen
If I only thought you wouldn't tell
[2nd VERSE:]
One evening early, he took the girlie
To a restaurant where drinks are often tried
He ordered porter, she ordered water
Then she said, "I'll take a cocktail on the side"
She drank a dozen
Just then her cousin
Whispered, "Dearie, don't you think we should go home?"
She answered, "Later, please call the waiter"
Then she murmured in a rather husky tone
[2nd REFRAIN:]
If I thought you wouldn't tell your mother
I would try and take one more
Promise not to tell your father or your brother
And I'll make it three or four
If I thought that you could keep a secret
I would take all they would sell
I'd forget that I'm your cousin
And I'd take a half a dozen
If I only thought you wouldn't tell
Next to Your Mother, Who Do You Love?
[1st VERSE:]
Two loving sweethearts 'mid flowers in Maytime
Two happy faces like children in playtime
Two eyes of blue, gazing into
Eyes of her own sweetheart
One cozy bench holds the couple within it
Hours that passed only seemed like a minute
Sweet maiden sighs
Fellow replies
"Tell me before we part"
[REFRAIN:]
Next to your mother, who do you love?
Next to your father, and your sister Sue
Tell me who looks good to you
Next to your mother, who would you miss?
Next to your brother, who would you kiss?
Next to your own dear folks at home
Tell me, now who do you love?
[2nd VERSE:]
Five cozy rooms in a flat in the city
One baby boy cute and cunning and pretty
Parson had said
"You two are wed
Bless you my children, go"
"Come spend a week," so she wrote to her mother
Mother replies, "I am bringing your brother"
Husband remarks
"Me for the parks
But first I want to know"
Stop That Rag (Keep On Playing, Honey)
[1st VERSE:]
Do my ears deceive me or am I goin' mad?
Honey, please believe me, that my hearin' ain't bad
But something seems to tell me that I'm list'nin' to Rag
I've been suspectin' so all night
Tunes I've heard befo' was only music what ain't
Melody like this is what an artist can't paint
Go get me some ammonia 'cause I fear I must faint
I'm suffocating with delight
[REFRAIN:]
Stop dat rag, keep on playin', honey
Stop dat rag, hear me prayin', honey
Run away, I feel that I must be alone
But don't you dare to leave me, 'till the cows come home
Cease dat strain, please repeat it, honey
Once again, and I'll meet it, honey
Oh, I'm sad
No, I'm glad
Stop dat rag, I'm sayin'
I mean keep on playin'
Don't you dare to stop dat rag
[2nd VERSE:]
Call in some physician, 'cause I feel that I'm ill
Somehow or another, hon', my feet won't keep still
Please request that leaderman to keep a-playin' till
I cry enough, enough some more
Hon, I'll never forgive you, just for takin' me here
Take me miles and miles away from here anywhere
Just raise a hand to move me, mister man, if you dare
I'm satisfied to die right now
Yiddle, on Your Fiddle, Play Some Ragtime
[1st VERSE:]
Ev'ryone was singing, dancing, springing
At a wedding yesterday
Yiddle on his fiddle played some ragtime
And when Sadie heard him play
She jumped up and looked him in the eyes
Yiddle swelled his chest 'way out
Ev'ryone was taken by surprise
When they heard Sadie shout
[REFRAIN:]
Yiddle in the middle of your fiddle, play some ragtime
Get busy
I'm dizzy
I'm feeling two years young
Mine choc'late baby, if you'll maybe play for Sadie
Some more ragtime
Yiddle, don't you stop, if you do, I'll drop
For I just can't make my eyes shut up
Yiddle on your fiddle, play some ragtime
[2nd VERSE:]
At the supper table Sadie thought
Yiddle must have flew the coop
She looked all around, but could not find him
'Till she heard him drinking soup
Sadie waited till they served the fish
Then she jumped upon the floor
Put a quarter right on Yiddle's dish
And yelled to him once more
That Mesmerizing Mendelssohn Tune
[1st VERSE:]
Honey, listen to that dreamy tune they're playin'
Won't you tell me how on earth you keep from swayin'?
Umm! Umm! Oh, that Mendelssohn Spring Song tune
If you ever loved me show me now or never
Lord, I wish they'd play that music on forever
Umm! Umm! Oh, that Mendelssohn tune
My honey
[REFRAIN:]
Love me to that ever lovin' Spring Song melody
Please me, honey, squeeze me to that Mendelssohn strain
Kiss me like you would your mother
One good kiss deserves another
That's the only music that was ever meant for me
That tantalizin', hypnotizin', mesmerizin' Mendelssohn tune
[2nd VERSE:]
Don't you stand there, honey, can't you hear me sighin'?
Is you gwine to wait until I'm almost dyin'?
Umm! Umm! Oh, that Mendelssohn Spring Song tune
Get yourself acquainted with some real live wooin'
Make some funny noises like there's something doin'
Umm! Umm! Oh, that Mendelssohn tune
My honey
Someone Just Like You
[1st VERSE:]
Same old moon, same old stars above
Same old couple pining, same old tale of love
Same game, still we must explain
The old, old story must be told
Now to get to their names, we'll call the fellow Joe
We could call him Harry, but Joe rhymes with Flo
Flo, Joe, now their names we know
We'll have them say
[REFRAIN:]
Someone just like you, dear
Just like you will do, dear
When I tell you true, dear
Can't you see?
Just your style, your size, dear
Just your smile, your eyes, dear
Someone just like you was meant for
Someone just like me
[2nd VERSE:]
Same old couple tarried, same old coming spring
Same old couple married, same old wedding ring
Flo, Joe, on thro' life they go
In clover, now the story's over
Ev'ry song and story has a happy two
Couldn't do without them, 'twould be something new
Same tale, never known to fail
When someone sighs