Telling Lies

[1st VERSE:]
Moon was slyly peeping from above
On a summer's night
Sally Brown and Joe were making love
'Neath the pale moonlight
Sally said, "I think I'd better go"
As she rolled her eyes
But foxy little Joe 
Said, "There's a game I know 
Called telling lies"

Telling lies
Telling lies
Say you never want to be
Near to me
Dear to me
Telling lies, close your eyes
Then a kiss or two
I'll steal and give them back to you
While telling lies

[2nd VERSE:]
Little Sally Brown and Joe were wed
She became his bride
"I will never marry you," she said
Then the knot was tied
Ev'ry morn he kisses her goodbye
Leaves her all alone
But 'fore he goes away

These words he'll always say, 
"I won't come home"

Sweet Marie, Make-a Rag-a-time Dance Wid Me

[1st VERSE:]
Lissa to the sweet-a rag-a time
Ain't it nunga make you feel-a fine?
Ev'rybody dance, sleep-a like-a trance
Keep-a steady, get-a ready
One, two three Kid!
What's-a matta you no look-a wise?
Get-a busy, make-a goo goo eyes
Nunga make-a fake, just-a shake-a shake
Make-a jealous for the other guys

Sweet Marie
Make-a rag-a-time-a dance wid me?
Take a steam-a boat to Italy
On the rag-a line
Hey you wop-a, nunga stop-a
Kiss-a Tony, call 'em pop-a
One, two, three
I'm-a feel-a like-a "Hully Gee"
Come dance rag time wid me
Oh, my sweet-a Marie

[2nd VERSE:]
What's-a matta you no wanna dance?
Nunga feel afraid to take a chance
Ev'rybody look, shout-a, "Get da hook!"
I'm-a sad-a feel-a bad-a
Shake you'self Kid!
If you love-a Tony nice-a fine
Make-a noise-a like-a rag-a time
Hurry up-a quick, nunga take a week
If you nunga wanna never mind

If the Managers Only Thought the Same as Mother

[1st VERSE:]
There's no mistake that I can act
I'm talented and that's a fact
I know, because my mother told me so
She kept a house for actor folks
And listened to their funny jokes
So now I guess my mother ought to know
But managers are awful dense
It seems to me they have no sense
I know my darling mother wouldn't lie
She thinks I'm better than the best
But managers think I'm a pest
And all they say is, "Go somewhere and die"

If the managers only thought the same as mother
You bet I'd show them all a thing or three
They'd have starred me in "The Thief"
For it's mother's firm belief
Margaret Illington could never steal like me
If the Shuberts only took a tip from mother
I'd be starring like a star was never starred
Leslie Carter and that bunch
Would be at Childs serving lunch
If the managers only thought the same as ma

[2nd VERSE:]
My mother goes to all the shows
She knows what ev'ry woman knows
She knows Maude Adams knows a thing or two
But when she saw her in that play
She said to me that very day
"My child, she doesn't know as much as you"
So I got busy with my pen
And wrote to Charlie Frohman then
I asked him if he wouldn't star me quick
His answer nearly knocked me dead
For in his letter Charlie said
"I didn't even know that you were sick"

[2nd REFRAIN:]
If the managers only thought the same as mother
I'd act like Sarah Bernhardt never did
Harry Miller would forget
Margret Anglin you bet
He would want me as his real supporting kid
If Frohman only took a tip from mother
He would label me as Frohman's only star
Missus Fiske would take a drop
To some Broadway candy shop
If the managers only thought the same as ma

When You Play That Piano, Bill!

[1st VERSE:]
Said Miss Eliza Johnson to William Brown
"Up to my home you I invite
Call around some Sunday night
I'd love to have you play my piano upright"
Said Mister William Brown, "The pleasure is mine
I can assure you lady fair"
He called around next day
And started in to play
Just to hear Eliza declare

When I hear you play that piano so sweet
My blood runs cold way down to my feet
You sure do bring forth music
Like I never heard before
When you start in playing rag by the streak
I could hear you play that box for a week
For it does most anything but speak
When you play that piano, Bill

[2nd VERSE:]
Said Mister William Brown, "I can't help but blush
Because Miss Lize you flatter so
I only play the worst I know
While at my best to beat me so it must go"
Then Miss Eliza answered, "What's that you say?
You only played the worst you knew!
Sweet William, I can guess how you play at your best
But the worst right now will do"

Draggy Rag

[1st VERSE:]
Honey darlin' take your time
Don't you hurry, baby mine
Throw your lovin' arms around me
Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm feelin' so fine
Won't you squeeze my hand again
Squeeze it hard, I feel no pain
Don't deny me, satisfy me 
To that draggy strain

Oh! that draggy rag!  
Oh! that easy drag
Don't you hurry, honey, or you'll cause me pain
I want to go to heaven on an Erie train
Slide, glide, not too fast
Go slow to the last
I love my quick decision, hon'
But Oh! that draggy rag

[2nd VERSE:]
I could almost swear I see
Two of you, and now it's three
I believe my mind is wand'rin'
Oh! Oh! Oh! poor delicate me
Honey, dear, I'm suff'rin' so
Get your hat and we will go
Don't decline, dear, take your time, dear
Let us walk out slow

Dear Mayme, I Love You

[1st VERSE:]
Dear Mayme, I want to explain
Why I sat down to write you this note
Gee, Mayme, I do feel ashamed
It's the first letter I ever wrote
There's some little something 'way down in my heart
I haven't the nerve to say
But sooner or later I must make a start
So it might as well be today

I love you, I love you, I love you, Mayme
I'd like to be there with a pretty spiel
But three simple words can explain how I feel
I love you, I want you, I need you, is all that I know
My love to your ma, kind regards to your pa
And kisses to you from Joe

[2nd VERSE:]
P.S. Dear Mayme can you guess
Who I saw, well it's old Parson Brown
Gee whiz, he was chock full of biz'
And he wants you and me to come 'round
Now I've bought a bargain, a nice wedding ring
Worth twenty, I bought it for ten
Jim Jones wants to buy it for fifteen next spring
Do you want me to sell it again?

Grizzly Bear

[1st VERSE:]
Out in San Francisco where the weather's fair
They have a dance out there
They call the "Grizzly Bear"
All your other lovin' dances don't compare
Not so coony
But a little more than spoony
Talk about yo' bears that Teddy Roosevelt shot
They couldn't class with what
Old San Francisco's got
Listen my honey, do
And I will show to you 
The dance of the grizzly Bear

Hug up close to your baby
Throw your shoulders t'ward the ceilin'
Lawdy, lawdy, what a feelin'
Snug up close to your lady
Close your eyes and do some nappin'
Something nice is gwine to happen
Hug up close to your baby
Sway me everywhere
Show your darlin' beau just how you go to Buffalo
Doin' the grizzly bear

[2nd VERSE:]
Let's sit down and rest a minute honey dear
My head feels awful queer
Please call the waiter near
"Water, water quick the lady's gone I fear"
"Thank you, honey
In my purse, you'll find some money
Where's the man who showed me how to do that dance
That put me in a trance?
I'll take another chance"
Now that I've got my breath
I'm his'n until death
Come on with yo' grizzly Bear

[2nd REFRAIN:]
Hug up close to your baby
Hypnotize me like a lizard
Shake yo' self just like a blizzard
Snug up close to your lady
If they do that dance in heaven
Shoot me hon' tonight at seven
Hug up close to your baby
Sway me everywhere
You and me is two, I'll make it one when we get thro'
Doin' the grizzly bear

Call Me Up Some Rainy Afternoon

[1st VERSE:]
Nellie Green met Harry Lee
At a masquerade the other night
He liked she and she liked he
Just a case of love at single sight
He took Nellie home that eve
Also took the number of her phone
Just before he took his leave
Nellie whispered in the cutest tone

Call me up some rainy afternoon
I'll arrange for a quiet little spoon
Think of all the joy and bliss
We can hug and we can talk about the weather
We can have a quiet little talk
I will see that my mother takes a walk
Mum's the word when we meet
Be a mason, don't repeat
Angel eyes, are you wise?

[2nd VERSE:]
He look'd wise, then looked for rain
Sure enough it rained that Saturday
"Give me three, four, five, six Main
Nellie dear, prepare I'm on my way"
When he rang the front door bell
No one there responded to his call
Soon he heard his pretty Nell
Singing to somebody in the hall

[2nd REFRAIN:]
Call me up some rainy afternoon
Then again how's the evening for a spoon
Call around tomorrow night
We can then put out that fire in the furnace
My mama will sure be out of town
She'll be entertained by Mister Brown
My Papa won't be 'round, he will call on Missus Brown
Angel pet, don't forget

That Opera Rag

[1st VERSE:]
Sam Johnson was op'ra mad
He sho' had the fever bad
He said, "Those ordinary ragtime tunes are mild
Some music from Verdi's hand
Or any old op'ra grand
Would never fail to set this op'ra darkie wild"
One evening at a ball
They heard Sam Johnson call
Unto the leaderman to play some "William Tell"
The leader swelled his chest and said, "I'll do my best"
So when he played they heard Sam Johnson yell

Hear dat strain
Mister Verdi come to life again
Oh that operatic sweet refrain
Sho' would drive a crazy man insane
Just let me die and meet those brainy men
Who manufactured notes of opera grand
Oh! Verdi where, where oh art thou?
Let me shake you by the hand, man, you know what's grand
Good Lord, it's over, they're playin' "Home Sweet Home"

[2nd VERSE:]
Old Sam was a painter man
One day with a brush in hand
He stood upon a scaffold 'way up in the air
A German band below
Was playin' some "Rig'letto"
Sam said, "I know that's op'ra, be it here or there"
While he daubed up the wall
He tried hard not to fall
But in the street the band kept right on playin' fair
They played some "Faust" below, just then old Sam let go
He tumbled down below a-shouting in the air

I'm a Happy Married Man

[1st VERSE:]
"A fool there was," said Smith to Gray
"And that same fool was me
Not satisfied with bach'lor bliss
I took a wife, you see"
Said Gray to Smith, "You're crazy man
Why married life is fine
I have the dearest little wife
And let me say for mine"

I'm a happy married man
Yes I am, yes I am
Married life was made for me
I wouldn't choose another
Betch yer life I love my wife
Love my wife with all my life
I'm a happy married man
My wife lives with her mother

[2nd VERSE:]
I hate to hear the married men 
Complaining all the time
One would imagine married life 
Was anything but fine
They don't appreciate the wife
Who helps to make life gay
But far be it for me to frown
I mean it when I say

I Love You More Each Day

[1st VERSE:]
Come sit beside me darling May, and look into my eyes
It seems as tho' 'twere yesterday I won you for my prize
The hand of time has turned your golden locks to silv'ry gray
The silver threads have drawn you closer to my heart each day

You were my queen at sweet sixteen
You're my queen at sixty-three
Your eyes that shone with gladness then
Still hold their charms for me
And as I gaze into your eyes, there's one thing I must say
You're still the same sweet darling girl
And I love you more each day

[2nd VERSE:]
You cheered me up when I was blue, you laughed when I was gay
When trouble came you were the same, you turned night into day
You never measured what you gave by what you thought I'd give
You're still my little sweetheart, and I'll love you while I live

Alexander and His Clarinet

[1st VERSE:]
Alexander Adams played a clarinet
Brought out music that no one has brought out yet
Miss Eliza Johnson was his angel pet
And Alexander was her one best bet
Strange to say they quarreled on last Sunday night
Monday evening Alexander came in sight
Played his clarinet beneath her window light
To hear Eliza yell with all her might

Honey, is that you?  yes, yes
Don't even have to guess, my honey, what brought you?
Oh pet, I see you brought your clarinet
My honey, I'm angry, no, no
For lawdy sake don't dare to go
My pet, I love you yet
And then besides, I love your clarinet

[2nd VERSE:]
Alexander played his clarinet with vim
Up to Liza's door, then played himself right in
When he got inside he played and played like sin
Then played her cards to see who'd buy the gin
When he left, Miss Liza tried some sleep to get
Dreamt her Romeo came back to Juliet
Also dreamt he brought with him his clarinet
If no one woke her, she'd be shouting yet

Sweet Italian Love

[1st VERSE:] 
Ev'ryone talk-a how they make-a da love
Call-a da sweet-a name-a like-a da dove 
It makes me sick-a when they start in to speak-a 
'Bout the moon 'way up above
What's-a da use to have-a big-a da moon? 
What's-a da use to call-a dove? 
If he no like-a she, and she no like-a he 
The moon can't make them love 

Sweet Italian love 
Nice Italian love 
You don't need the moon-a-light your love to tell her
In da house or on da roof or in da cellar 
Dat's Italian love 
Sweet Italian love 
When you kiss-a your pet 
And it's-a like-a spagett
Dat's Italian love! 

[2nd VERSE:] 
Ev'ryone say they like da moon-a da light 
There's one-a man up in da moon all-a right 
But he no tell-a that some other nice feller 
Was-a kiss your gal last night 
Maybe you give your gal da wedding-a ring 
Maybe you marry, like-a me 
Maybe you love your wife, maybe for all your life 
But dat's only maybe 

[2nd REFRAIN:] 
Sweet Italian love 
Nice Italian love 
When you squeeze your gal and she no say "Please stop-a!" 
When you got dat twenty kids what call you "Papa!"
Dat's Italian love 
Sweet Italian love 
When you kiss one-a time 
And it's-a feel like-a nine 
Dat's Italian love! 

Try It On Your Piano

[1st VERSE:]
Benjamin Manner played a grand piano
And he cert'nly played it fine
Played the piano all the time
Like a reg'lar Rubinstein
Sunday he called around to see Miss Lucy Brown
And said "My darling pet
I have found a new way to make love
That hasn't been discovered yet
Won't you let me show you how?"
But Miss Lucy cried "not now":

Try it on your piano grand
I don't care to understand
B or I flat, C or Y flat
Try it hon' but not in my flat
While I don't doubt that what you say is true
I'm not taking chances with some love that's new
So Mister Manner, try it on your piano
But you can't try it on me

[2nd VERSE:]
Benjamin Manner sold his grand piano
And became a doctor fair
One who cures your pain and care
He was known most ev'rywhere
Lucy took sick one day, he called around to say
"I've brought with me a pill
It's a new discovery of my own
That surely ought to cure or kill
It has never yet been tried"
But Miss Lucy loudly cried:

[2nd REFRAIN:]
Try it on your piano grand
I don't care to understand
B or I flat
C or Y flat
Try it hon' but not in my flat
Give me Peruna for my ev'ry pain
For he who takes that will live to take again
So try your brand up on a baby grand
Because you can't try it on me

Oh, That Beautiful Rag

[1st VERSE:]
Honey, that leaderman leads like a leader can
Just see him leadin' that band
My honey, don't you understand
That they're playin' music grand
Just never mind the name
Ragtime is all the same
Music is music with me
But I will say that it's beautiful, hon'
With a great big capital B

Oh! oh! oh! oh!
Oh! that beautiful rag
It sets my heart a-reelin'
Oh! oh! oh! oh!
Oh! that beautiful drag
That funny feeling stealing
Hear that trombone blowin', hon'
Ain't dem fiddles goin' some?
Oh! sir
Oh! sir, cuddle up closer
Squeeze me like you would a flower
Make a minute last an hour
Oh! oh! oh! oh!
Oh! that heavenly strain
It makes me feel so funny
If I ever cry, "Don't play it again"
Just don't believe me honey
Oh, my dearie, can't you hear me callin'?
Come up near me, catch me, dear, I'm fallin'
Oh! oh! oh! oh!
Oh! that beautiful rag

[2nd VERSE:]
What does my honey want?  Go in a restaurant?
Now you is talkin' some sense
And this here place is just immense
I know you don't mind expense
Bring on yo' bill o' fare
Honey, I do declare
Somehow I'm feelin' forlorn
Hear them playin' that old beautiful rag
Now my appetite is gone

Kiss Me My Honey, Kiss Me

[1st VERSE:]
My little honey 
I must be leaving
Be bright and sunny
Now don't be grieving
Just dry your tears, dear
It's not for years, dear
I'll soon return to you

Kiss me, my honey, kiss me
And say you'll miss me as I miss you
Love me, my honey, love me
Like stars above me
Say you'll be true while away ev'ry day
I'll be thinking of you
Dearie, now don't grow weary
Be bright and cheery, my honey do
So dear, before I go dear
Come here and kiss me, (Kiss, Kiss) honey I love you

[2nd VERSE:]
That same old moon, dear
That shines above us
Will see us soon, dear
As happy lovers
So don't you worry
For I will hurry
Right back and marry you

Is There Anything Else I Can Do For You?

[1st VERSE:]
Pretty young Mabel was helping her mother
Clearing the table and dressing her brother
Washing the dishes, feeding the fishes
As ev'ry girl should do
Johnny dropped in and soon made himself handy
Helping his Mabel dear
When all the work was thro' and nothing more to do
He whispered in her ear

Is there anything else that I can do for you?
Tell me do, come on and ask me to
I've got hours to spare, my dear, and then a few
Tell me Mabel, I'm able to do anything else
So don't you be afraid
Pretty maid, I've learned the tailor trade
And somehow I've been guessin'
That your lips need some pressin'
Tell me, dear, is there anything else?

[2nd VERSE:]
Pretty young Mabel could not see the joke, so said
"In the stable there's wood to be broke," so
There was no stopping, John started chopping
Chopp'd for an hour or two
Soon work and Johnny became perfect strangers
He did the best he could
Calling his Mabel near, he whispered, "Listen, dear
I'm not so strong for wood!"

"Thank You, Kind Sir!" Said She

[1st VERSE:]
Crowded thoroughfare, people here and there
Dashing up the Avenue
Maiden young and shy, quickly passing by
Something comes in contact with her shoe
Someone's fallen down, slipped upon the ground
It happens on a slipp'ry street
Kind young gent who saw the accident
Helps the charming lady to her feet

"Thank you, kind sir," said she
"Welcome, sweet Miss," said he
"May I not escort you home?"
"You may not, I'll go alone
I've a husband," said she
"And I've a wife, Miss," said he
"You needn't call me up," said she
"My phone is one, two, three"
"Thank you," said he

[2nd VERSE:]
Scene, a near cafe, couple chatting gay
Same young maiden shy and sweet
On the he-male end sits her fellow friend
Same young man who helped her to her feet
Maiden softly speaks, "I've been sad for weeks
My darling husband failed last year
I'm in debt right up to here, you bet"
Fellow whispers something in her ear

[2nd REFRAIN:]
"Thank you, kind sir," said she
"Welcome, sweet Miss," said he
"May I not escort you home?
I would hate to go alone"
"I live here, sir," said she
"And so do I, Miss," said he
"Don't dare to call me," said she
"I'm always in at three"
"Thank you," said he

Yiddisha Eyes

[1st VERSE:]
Benny Bloom went to a swell affair
Given by a real millionaire
Jenny Golden Dollars was there
Now comes the bus'ness end
Benny, to a friend, said, "Introduce me to Miss Jenny, do!"
Soon he whispered, "Pleased to meet you too!"
Then young Benny winked at Jenny
With his Yiddisha eyes

Oi, Oi, Oi, those Yiddisha eyes!
Benny had those Yiddisha eyes
That shone so bright, with an Israel light
Eyes that could tell a diamond in the night
Oi, Oi, Oi, those Yiddisha eyes!
Benny had those Yiddisha eyes!
He took a look in her bankbook
With his Yiddisha eyes

[2nd VERSE:]
Ben looked at her finger with his eyes
Next day bought a ring the proper size
Jenny's bus'ness father got wise!
Now comes the finish part
Benny, from his heart, began to shout, "I love your daughter fine!"
Jenny's pa cried, "That's how I got mine!"
Benny, bending, saw the ending
With his Yiddisha eyes

[2nd REFRAIN:]
Oi, Oi, Oi, those Yiddisha eyes!
Benny had those Yiddisha eyes
That shone so bright, with an Israel light
Eyes that could tell a diamond in the night
Oi, Oi, Oi, those Yiddisha eyes!
Benny had those Yiddisha eyes!
He said, "Farewell," the teardrops fell
From his Yiddisha eyes

Colored Romeo

[1st VERSE:]
Last winter Liza Snow
Picked up a book called Romeo
She read a page or so
Then hunted for a man
Soon she was dreaming of
A beau who cooed just like a dove
A man who sho' could love
Like a Romeo can
She wandered out one night 
Beneath the pale moonlight
And sang with all her might 
This ancient cry

Where art thou, Romeo
My colored Romeo
The balcony wants to see he and she, you and me
Come out and pet your colored Juliet
Don't linger, do it now
Come kiss my fevered brow
Shakespear's love come and show me, colored Romeo

[2nd VERSE:]
Miss Liza's father Joe
Did not approve of Romeo
But Liza loved him so
They ran off in a car
They made a mile or three
In almost nothing, don't you see
The auto struck a tree
Then they didn't go far
Miss Liza from the ground
Kept gazing all around
Her beau could not be found
So Liza cried

Stop, Stop, Stop (Come Over and Love Me Some More)

[1st VERSE:]
Honey, there's something buzzin' 'round my heart
Something that must be satisfied
My dearie
See that Morris chair
Standing over there
There's some room to spare
Now for some love prepare
Make yourself comf'table before we start
Tie yourself right up to my side
Sing me that lovin' song that goes something like 
Ummm, umm, umm, umm

Cuddle and squeeze me honey
Lead me right to Cupid's door
Take me out upon that ocean called the "Lovable Sea"
Fry each kiss in honey, then present it to me
Cuddle and please me honey
Anchor at that kissing shore
My honey, stop, stop, stop, stop, don't dare to stop
Come over and love me some more

[2nd VERSE:]
Hon' did I hear you say you're going home?
Just 'cause the clock is striking nine
My dearie
That clock at its best
Is an hour fast
Eight o'clock just past
Stay, let the party last
Surely you wouldn't leave me all alone
Just for to satisfy the time
Sing me that lovin' song that goes something like 
Ummm, umm, umm, umm

Herman Let's Dance That Beautiful Waltz

[1st VERSE:]
Miss Lena Kraussmeyer with hair red as fire
Last Saturday went to a ball
There stood Mister Herman, a sweet little German
The best that was dressed in the hall
The music played dances like ragtime and lanciers
But no one would go on the floor
So quickly the band played a waltz that was grand
A waltz that made sweet Lena roar


Herman let's dance to the tune of that beautiful waltz
Now listen you German, I'm talking to you
I'll do something dear you don't want me to do
So come on take a chance and I'll know that your love isn't false
A feeling that's healing comes stealing while spieling
That beautiful, beautiful waltz

[2nd VERSE:]
I heard that a coon who heard Mendelssohn's tune
Kissed the first man she saw, if it's true
That very same feeling I feel on me stealing
And Herman I'm looking at you
So close both your eyes, make believe you ain't wise
Only pucker your lips into place
Think of five hundred meld or a sweet Anna Held
While I kiss the hole in your face

Piano Man

[1st VERSE:]
You all have your favorite masters
The kind what music give
Did you ever, ever meet my lovin' piano man
No? then you've yet to live
He sits on his stool like a king on the throne
And plays and plays with ease
Why the melody just nestles in his finger tips
And oozes out in the keys

Piano man
Piano man
He brings forth notes like no one can
Oh what a feelin'
When his notes come a-stealin' why
I just feel like kneelin' and appealin' to my
Piano man
Piano man
Lawdy how his music lingers
May the Heaven bless his fingers
When he plays for days and days
It soothes me like a fan
Just lend your ear, dear, here, near to my ever lovin' piano man

[2nd VERSE:]
You've listened to Verdi's music
Beethoven's classy tune
I'm alludin' to the fellows with the hair as long
As a rainy afternoon
They all needed love to inspire their notes
Be it the spring or fall
But my piano man, just have him meet a piano grand
Then listen, Umm, Umm, that's all

Innocent Bessie Brown

[1st VERSE:]
Innocent Bessie landed in the city
From Kankakee the sights to see
Fellows looked at her saying what a pity
She's from the farm meaning no harm
Ev'ry maiden, ev'ry gent
When discussing she
Said she must be innocent
'Cause she came from Kankakee

Innocent Bessie Brown
Wanted to see the town
Met upon the Avenue one afternoon fair
A fellow who said, "'Aven't you an hour to spare?"
So pretty
Innocent Bessie Brown
Went for an hour in town
And when the day was breaking they were still partaking
Of some fizzes of gin that fizzed within
Innocent Bessie Brown

[2nd VERSE:]
Bessie was stopping with her second cousin
Who was a beaut, cunning and cute
Fellows would call upon her by the dozen
Innocent Bess never could guess
Where her cousin got such toys
Diamonds more or less
'Twasn't long before the boys
Made a jew'lry store out of Bess

[2nd REFRAIN:]
Innocent Bessie Brown
Dressed in a country gown
Bessie Brown was lonesome for a diamond or two
But since she met the city she could loan some to you
And she was
Innocent Bessie Brown
Lived in a country town
When Missus Morgan chubby, missed her darling hubby
She began talking war while hunting for
Innocent Bessie Brown

Oh How That German Could Love

[1st VERSE:]
Once I got stuck on a sweet little German
And oh what a German was she
The best that was walking, well what's the use talking
Was just made to order for me
So lovely, and witty, more yet she was pretty
You don't know until you have tried
She had such a figure, it couldn't be bigger
And there was some more yet beside

Oh how that German could love
With a feeling that came from the heart
She called me her honey, her angel, her money
She pushed ev'ry word out so smart
She spoke like a speaker, and oh what a speech
Like no other speaker could speak
Ach my what a German when she kissed her Herman
It stayed on my cheek for a week

[2nd VERSE:]
This girl could squeeze, and it never would hurt
For that lady knew just how to squeeze
Her loving was killing, more yet she was willing
You never would have to say please
I just couldn't stop her, for dinner and supper
Some kisses and hugs was the food
When she wasn't nice it was more better twice
When she's bad she was better than good

[2nd chorus]
Oh how that German could love
With a sweetness that's sweeter than sweet
Just say what you please, you would hug and you'd squeeze
Just the shoes that she wore on her feet
Her smile was like money that somebody owed you
That somebody wanted to give
When you felt like dying and she started sighing
Ach my it was worthwhile to live

[3rd VERSE:]
Sometimes we'd love for a week at a time
And it only would seem like a day
How well I remember, one night in December
I felt like the middle of May
I'll bet all I'm worth that when she came on earth
All the angels went out on parade
No other one turned up, I think that they burned up
The pattern from which she was made

[3rd REFRAIN:]
Oh how that German could love
With a love like you see in a play
When she said, "My dear," it would ring in my ear
For a year, and a week and a day
Her no was like yes, and her yes was like no
It was something like yes, it was, well
When we got together ach donner und vetter
'Twas love with a capital "L"

I'm Going on a Long Vacation

[1st VERSE:]
Nellie Brown, stenographer
Working on the second floor
Writing letters for a man named Kelly
Kelly's wife, a lady thin
Calls around, is ushered in
Sees her husband fondly kiss Miss Nellie
Next morning Kelly whispered in Nell's ear
She left the office singing loud and clear

I'm going on a long vacation
Oh you railway station
First in years so give three cheers
Yea bo, yea, hurray, hurray
Ev'rybody in creation
Needs some recreation
My boss guessed I need some rest
Yea, I'm going away

[2nd VERSE:]
Nellie told the office boy
He replied with shrieks of joy
Then went in and said to Mister Kelly
"Nellie told me where she'd go
I can tell your wife you know
Don't you think I better go with Nellie?"
Next week the office boy and Nellie Brown
Were holding hands and singing out of town

Dreams, Just Dreams

[1st VERSE:]
The sunbeams have taken their flight
The day slowly turned into night
All nature's at rest
The birds in their nest
Sleep on 'neath the moon's silv'ry light
The shadows of eve ease my heart
For now that we've drifted apart
I find joys anew while dreaming of you
Dreams that can ne'er come true

Dreams, just dreams
My beautiful golden dreams
It seems my dreams
Are missives of sweet consolation
Each dream I dream
Turns gloom to a bright sunbeam
Since the love that I gave
Found a grave, all I crave
Is dreams, just dreams

[2nd VERSE:]
I wake with the morning my dear
The sun up above shining clear
The flowers seem gay to welcome the day
A day that will seem like a year
My goal is a land so it seems
Where night never turns to sunbeams
The world I would give to go there and live
Live with my golden dreams

Bring Back My Lena to Me

[1st VERSE:]
You know how you feel when your rich Uncle dies
And leaves you a lot and a house?
Well, that's how I felt when I first met Miss Lena
Sweet little neat Lena Kraus
I just hate to think how she came in my life
Like a landlord what comes for the rent
The rent was my heart when she took it apart
Just how she came she went

[1st REFRAIN:]
Oh, when I think of my Lena
My face turns so white just like starch
The hand organs play pretty love songs all day
But to me it's just plain fun'ral march
It's bad to be sad, to be glad when you're sad
Can't be did as you all must agree
If you feel like I feel and you hear my appeal
Oh! bring back my Lena to me

[2nd VERSE:]
I cry when I think what a woman she was
What cost dollars she bought for a cent
When she broke a glass why it wouldn't be broke
Ach!  no, it would only be bent
To cry over milk that's been spilt isn't good
But the feeling that I'm feeling now
It wasn't just one glass of milk that I spilt
When Lena went, then went the cow

[2nd REFRAIN:]
Oh, when I think of my Lena
I think of a girl who could cook
Some sweet sauerkraut that would swim in your mouth
Like the fishes that swim in the brook
When I think of a meal that was real I just feel
Like a ship with no sail on the sea
There's no tears in my eyes, but my appetite cries
Oh! bring back my Lena to me


[1st VERSE:]
In the days of fairy tales, most any wish was granted
Granted by some fairy brave
Let's suppose a fairy rose in fairy clothes from head to toes
And granted us the wish we'd crave
Would you wish for diamonds, or would you wish for pearls
Would you wish to rule the land and sea
Would you wish a crown to rest upon your golden curls?
The maiden sweetly answered "Not for me"

I'd wish for a night in June
A silv'ry moon real soon
A moon that makes you want to spoon
And softly croon love's tune
Then a tree that I could trust
A bench that holds just two
Then I'd wish for Cupid's loving dish
And then I'd wish for you

[2nd VERSE:]
Why should I profess to sigh for precious pearls and diamonds
When my ev'ry sigh means you?
All the gold the world may hold its wealth untold, I would unfold
To hold a place that just holds two
Hold a place that holds a face, that holds a case of bliss
And that case of bliss would hold you too
Such a place would make me trace upon your face a kiss
The fellow answered, "Here's just what I'd do:

That Kazzatsky Dance

[1st VERSE:]
Abie darling dear, can't you hear very clear
They're playing that Kazzatsky dance
Cohen with his hand leads the band
Ain't it grand
I tell you Abie take a chance
Take me by the wrist with your fist, make a twist
Or else I'll go right in a trance
Come and give your baby just one glance
And we'll do that Yiddisher dance

Oi, that Kazzatsky dance
It makes me lose my sense
Come and get handy, it's dandy, dandy
Kiss me Kid, I'm candy
Oi, that Kazzatsky dance
I'm going in a trance
I love my ham and cabbage kid
But Oi, that Yiddisher
That Yiddisher
Oi, that Kazzatsky dance

[2nd VERSE:]
Abie hurry up, take your time, hurry up
I want to dance fast, please go slow
Darling run away, better stay, while they play
Because I hate you, love you so
Look at what you did, oh you kid in the lid
I'm going crazy like a loon
Make some spooning with a silver spoon
While they play that Yiddisha tune