Stop! Look! Listen! (1915)

Blow Your Horn

[1st VERSE:]
Barnum and Bailey were wonderful showmen
In the theatrical world there are no men
Who would claim to be their equal
And the sequel
Was, they made the "tin," packed them in ev'ry season
I know it well and I'll tell you the reason
They were a pair of handbill throwers
Horn blowers
You must talk about yourself
Or they'll put you on the shelf

Blow your horn
Let 'em know you're comin'
Blow your horn
That'll start 'em hummin'
Just make a whole lot of noise
The only way to collar ev'ry dollar is to holler
Mister Barnum said
Ev'ry other minute
There's another one born
You'll strike it 
Just like Barnum
Make 'em like it
Gosh darn 'em
Yell out
You'll sell out
If you'll only blow your horn

[2nd VERSE:]
Some people argue against advertising
How they can feel as they do is surprising
I'm a walking eight sheet poster
I'm a boaster
The red, white and blue and its value was doubted
Till Georgie Cohan started singing about it
Now, ev'ryone who was against it
Commenced it
You will be a household word
If you just make yourself heard

And Father Wanted Me to Learn a Trade

[1st VERSE:]
When I was young
My father said to me "Learn a trade
Learn a trade
Do me a favor and become an engraver
For engravers are well-paid
If I'd have done what father wanted
Imagine what I'd miss
There is no doubt
I was cut out
For a life like this

[1st REFRAIN:]
I come around to the theatre in my automobile
Singing, "This is the life, this is the life"

Surrounded by chorus ladies in the troupe
I spend all my time in a chicken coop

They come to my dressing room as cute as can be
Saying "Won't you hook up my dress for me?"

And it makes me mad to think my dear old dad
Wanted me to learn a trade

[2nd VERSE:]
When I come out
With lots of powder upon my sleeve
On my sleeve
Somebody rested on my new double-breasted
I believe you've got me, Steve
I always kiss the prima donna
In every we scene we act
Leave it to me
That has to be
It's in my contract

[2nd REFRAIN:]
I leave the show ev'ry evening in my automobile
Singing, "This is the life, this is the life"

My supper consists of chicken a la King
I get indigestion and everything

A ring on my finger with a four carat stone
Twenty payments more and it's all my own

And it makes me mad to think my dear old dad
Wanted me to learn a trade

Girl on the Magazine Cover, The

[1st VERSE:]
My head's in a dizzy whirl
Since I met a certain girl
There isn't another like her
She's a matchless pearl
Since I met this maid divine
I do nothing else but pine
Because I know she never could be mine

The girl I love
Is on a magazine cover
It seems they painted her just for me

I'd fall in love
If I could ever discover
A little girl quite as nice as she

If I could meet
A girl as sweet
I'd simply claim her
And name her my queen

For if she ever came
I would love her the same
As I love her on the cover of a magazine

[2nd VERSE:]
My home is a picture book
If ever you came to look
You'd find her in ev'ry corner
And in ev'ry nook
She's fairer than all the queens
And loving her simply means
That I'm kept busy buying magazines

I Love a Piano

[1st VERSE:]
As a child I went wild when a band played
How I ran to the man when his hand swayed
Clarinets were my pets, and a slide trombone I thought was simply divine
But today when they play I could hiss them
Ev'ry bar is a jar to my system
But there's one musical instrument that I call mine

I love a piano, I love a piano
I love to hear somebody play
Upon a piano, a grand piano
It simply carries me away

I know a fine way to treat a Steinway
I love to run my fingers o'er the keys, the ivories

And with the pedal I love to meddle
When Padarewski comes this way
I'm so delighted if I'm invited
To hear that long haired genius play

So you can keep your fiddle and your bow
Give me a P-I-A-N-O, oh, oh
I love to stop right beside an upright
Or a high toned Baby Grand

[2nd VERSE:]
When a green Tetrazine starts to warble
I grow cold as an old piece of marble
I allude to the crude little party singer who don't know when to pause
At her best I detest the soprano
But I run to the one at the piano
I always love the accomp'niment and that's because

[alternate lines:]
Not only music from Broadway
I'm so delighted if I'm invited
To hear a long haired genius play

That Hula Hula

[1st VERSE:]
Underneath the sad Hawaiian moon
Where the sad Hawaiians love to spoon
While the Ukeleles strum a tune
Ev'ry evening you can see them doing

That Hula Hula
Have you seen them do the Hula
In Honolula
The way they do?
I know if you knew
How to do the Hula Hula
You'd be in Honolula
Doing the Hula, too

[2nd VERSE:]
I can teach you how to do the dance
Tell me, would you like to take a chance?
Shake your hands, quietly advance
In another minute you'll be doing

When I'm Out With You

[1st VERSE:]
Let's take a stroll up the avenue
Dearie, I love to be seen with you
Showing off is one of my joys
Let me show you off to the boys
You'll never guess what they say and do
When I am out with you

I've seen them stare as we're passing by
I've seen them glare with a jealous eye

Let me tell you that I'm all in clover
When I notice how they look you over

I've heard them cry, "It's the very best!"
Now you know why I throw out my chest

You beautiful thing, I'm as proud as a king
When I'm out with you

[2nd VERSE:]
I like your clothes 'cause I think they're great
You're the original fashion plate
Always something diff'rent to show
All dressed and someplace to go
If I'm conceited, don't think it queer
There is a reason, dear

Take Off a Little Bit

[1st VERSE:]
The girls are over-dressing
It keeps the fellows guessing
I've heard them say the gowns today
Are really most distressing
Your ankle is detested
If you have over-dressed it
A man must see an inch or three
To keep him interested
An ankle now and then
Will catch the best of men

So take off a little bit
A tiny little bit and nothing more
Just raise your dress up a little bit
Don't let it drag along the floor
Because a banker, a broker, a lawyer, a sport
They always look longer when dresses are short
So take off a little bit
If you don't make a "hit"
Take off a little bit more

[2nd VERSE:]
You'll be the main attraction
And put the boys in action
They'll linger nigh, you'll catch them by
Removing just a fraction
The chicken pickin' jury
Will go into a fury
If they can't see an inch or three
They all come from Missouri
'Twas said by someone wise
"It pays to advertise"

Teach Me How to Love

[1st VERSE:]
I had a diff'rent teacher ev'ry year
They taught me ev'rything and yet I fear
My education's been neglected, dear
They never taught me to love

I don't know that much about Geography
Grammar, Arithmetic or History
But I know ev'rything about love from A to Z

[GIRL:] Teach me how to love, I'd like to know, sir
[BOY:] If you want to love, come over closer
[GIRL:] Do you know the game, dear?
[BOY:] That's my middle name, dear
[GIRL:] Call me turtle dove, I'd like to hear it
[BOY:] It will fit you like a glove
[GIRL:] I'd like to know a teeny weeny bit about it
[BOY:] I could explain it to you, if your lips were pouted
[ENSEMBLE:] Look at 'em doin' it!
[BOY:] Hold steady!
[ENSEMBLE:] Look at 'em doin' it!
[GIRL:]  Oh, oh, it's very good, Eddy
Won't you teach me some more?

[2nd VERSE:]
[GIRL:] How many lessons do you think I'll need?
[BOY:] Not many lessons if you'll only heed
[GIRL:] You know a lot about it, yes, indeed
[BOY:] I've taken lessons for years
[GIRL:] I'd like to understand it through and through
[BOY:] Practice makes perfect, so it's up to you
[GIRL:] I'm waiting
[BOY:] 'Twon't be long before you're a teacher, too

Law Must Be Obeyed, The

[1st VERSE:]
Do you know just who we are
If you don't, look at that star
We're the Constabules
And we're no darned fools
There are speeders in the town
And we're here to run them down
They ran like the dickens 
And they killed four chickens
That belonged to Farmer Brown
We've got a darned good clue
The car was painted blue

We're the county sheriffs 
And the law must be obeyed

When they speed in an automobile
You can hear us holler, "Whoa, Bill"

Any time we catch them
There's a fine that must be paid

So we must arrest those gents
The jail house needs a fence
It'll cost us sixty cents
So the law must be obeyed

[2nd VERSE:]
We will catch them yet, by heck!
If it makes us both a wreck
When we do, you bet
They'll be all upset
There was one that wore a cap
Like a gosh darned sporty chap
No doubt from the city
'Cause a gal quite pretty
Was a-sittin' on his lap
Don't be one bit surprised
You may find us disguised

When I Get Back to the U.S.A.

[1st VERSE:]
I've been on the go for a month or so
Now my heart begins to yearn
For the U.S.A. many miles away
And I'm anxious to return
I have been around, covered lots of ground
But it don't appeal to me
Seeing sights abroad is an awful fraud
I'm as homesick as can be

When I get back home again to the U.S.A.
In the land of peace and freedom I intend to stay
Somehow I never feel at home when I'm away from there, anywhere
No other nation in this creation would ever do for me
I guess I'm cranky 'cause I'm a yankee but then I'm proud to be
On the pier you'll hear me shouting "Hip, Hip, Hooray"
When I get back to the U.S.A.

[2nd VERSE:]
There is not a thing in the song I sing
That has not been sung before
It's a story old that has oft been told
In a thousand songs or more
But when I salaam to my Uncle Sam 
In the good old U.S.A.
It is not because I would ask applause
But because I feel that way

[REFRAIN is sung in counterpoint to "My Country 'Tis of Thee":]
My country! 'tis of thee
Sweet land of liberty
Of thee I sing
Land where my fathers died
Land of the pilgrim's pride
From every mountainside
Let freedom ring

Stop! Look! Listen!

[1st VERSE:]
Love will make a fool of any man, it has been said
No one can advise him, for his heart will rule his head
He names the wedding day, just throws himself away
Before the wedding all his friends will come to him and say

[1st REFRAIN:]

Stop!  Look!  Listen to a friend's advice
Better look before you leap
Or you'll be in water deep
For God's sake don't get married, don't give up your name
Then he'll stop, look, listen to his friend's advice
But he'll go out and marry just the same

[2nd VERSE:]
Mister Brown, a widower, was handing out advice
To his son who fell in love with someone very nice
He whispered to the lad, "To marry would be bad
I know just what I'm saying, take a tip from your old Dad

[2nd REFRAIN:]
Stop!  Look!  Listen to a Dad's advice
She's a nice girl, that is true
But she'll never do for you
So tie a can to Cupid, lay him on the shelf"
Then he stopped, looked, listened to his Dad's advice
While his Dad went out and married her himself

[3rd VERSE:]
There's a railroad on Long Island not so far away
Accidents occur there almost ev'ry other day
The man who owns the line has said, "The fault's not mine
Because at ev'ry railroad crossing you will find this sign

[3rd REFRAIN:]
Stop!  Look!  Listen!  Always safety first"
If there were no such display
You would pass along your way
But they insist you linger by the railroad track
So you stop, look, listen, then you hear a crash
And the next day your fam'ly's dressed in black

[alternate line:]
But they want you to linger by the railroad track

Everything in America is Ragtime

[1st VERSE:]
People here are going wild
Every woman, man and child
Has some ragtime on the brain
Every band and orchestra
Playing in America
Plays a syncopated strain
It's floating in the air
You hear it everywhere

Everything in America is ragtime
They talk in ragtime
It seems to be the fashion
Their only passion is swaying to and fro
Snapping fingers so
Acting as though they were having a jag-time
The U.S.A. is a land of syncopation
It seems the nation
Is just a million acres 
Of shoulder shakers
Composers, just as thick as bees
Writing raggy melodies
They're even making Gaby Deslys sing ragtime

[2nd VERSE:]
In the subway every night
Folks start swaying left and right
While they read the evening news
When a baby starts to cry
Longing for a lullaby
Mother sings the Memphis Blues
You can't drive it away
Because it's here to stay

Sailor Song

[1st VERSE:]
A pair of sailor boys are we
We sail across the angry sea
Ya Ho!  Ya Ho!
To prove we're sailor boys all right
We smoke a hornpipe every night
Ya Ho!  Ya Ho!
We really hate the ocean 'cause it's all around the place
We only use it when we have to wash the captain's face
Of that we shouldn't really speak
He only washes once a week
Ya Ho!  Ya Ho!

While we go sailing, sailing over the ocean blue
We're sailors thro' and thro'
The best you ever knew

If you doubt the story we're telling you
Any chorus girl can tell you we're sailors

As we go sailing, sailing
What do you think we do?
We flirt with ev'ry mermaid on Fifth Avenue

Our fathers lost a fortune down in Wall Street
So they both insisted we become a couple of sailors, too

[2nd VERSE:]
It makes no difference where we are 
We always like to strike a bar
Ya Ho!  Ya Ho!
We stand in line to quench our thirst
The second mate is always first
Ya Ho!  Ya Ho!
The steward has an anchor tattooed near his vocal chord
So when we want to stop the ship we throw him overboard
We tie him to an iron chain 
So we can pull him up again
Ya Ho!  Ya Ho!

Until I Fell in Love with You

[1st VERSE:]
Come over closer, my dear
Come over here
I've a confession to make
Long before I met you
I have loved quite a few
There have been many sweet girls I cared for
Tho' 'twas all long ago
It's only fair you should know

I loved a lovely girl in London
I loved a peach in Spain
I used to pet a brunette while in gay Paree
I was fond of a blonde while in Germany
While in Japan I met a Geisha
I thought I loved her too
I've loved a diff'rent girl in ev'ry land
I've sampled kisses, dear, of ev'ry brand
But I never really fell in love, dear
Until I fell in love with you

[2nd VERSE:]
I'm very glad you confessed
Tho' I'd have guessed
You're only human, dear boy
Don't you worry, my dear
There is nothing to fear
Ev'ryone flirts till they meet the right one
It is all in the game
I have been doing the same